Wanted

One night a few weeks ago, I had messaged my friend to see if they wanted to hang out. They didn't. And for some reason, that particular night, that was the last straw. As I drove and almost started crying, I wondered what was wrong with me, why they didn't want to hang out, and wondered who in the world would even want to hang out with me.

Super dramatic, right?!

Thankfully, through the dramatics, I was still in my right mind enough to realize there really was no point in finding myself so broken up about a friend not wanting to hang out one night. I started to question what could be the root behind the emotions I was feeling. Surely there was something deeper to make me so emotional at being turned down even though I'd just gotten off work and I wasn't so sure I even wanted to hang out right then anyway.

As I started to pray, I heard the word "wanted." My mind raced. Obviously if I'm wanted people will want to hang out with me all the time and whenever I ask, they'll be down to do something, right? Okay, not quite. As I pondered this word, "wanted," I realized where it was coming from. I reflected on other interactions I'd had lately where I'd felt separated from people or where I'd felt like I wasn't enough. In that reflection, I realized those times had stuck with me on a deeper level because I hadn't felt wanted.

I started thinking about world problems (because what else do you want to do after you get home after a long night at work?) and I started to realize there are a lot of times where if we actually let people around us know they are wanted, it could revolutionize the world. Like, what if everybody actually realized that when they walk in to a room, or when they get turned down from hanging out one night or when they are broken up with, they are wanted? Or, as an extreme example, what if kids seeking companionship online and finding radical indoctrination already knew they were wanted in the real world?

As I sat there, I found myself being reminded of who I am. I remembered times when I'd gotten hurt because I didn't feel wanted, I started to face moments I never wanted to face. I remembered one of my most painful relationships to date and I realized I had been so hurt partly because I'd felt disregarded when the door of that friendship closed. I realized that through all the times I'd been disappointed when it came to people, deeper down, I'd felt pushed aside and forgotten.

Through that awareness, I heard the words my heart needed, "You are wanted. You're a child of the King. You've let yourself get tied into the idea that your identity depends on what the people around you are doing. But that's a lie. You are wanted on your best and worse days... and so are they."

I realized that through my waiting to be wanted, I'd let myself forget who I am. I'd forgotten that even if I don't feel wanted, I am still chosen. Even when I don't hang out with friends on a free night, it doesn't mean I'm not surrounded by community who loves me and encourages me.

So that night two weeks ago sent me on this trip of not only remembering (even in small rejections) that I am wanted by more than just humans, I am wanted by my Creator. More so, not only am I wanted by my Creator, but so are "they." The people around me. The people who talk more than I wish they would or the people who respond to people even though there wasn't even anything said? They are wanted too. They want to be wanted, too. Isn't that what we're thinking about, on some level, when we're wishing we were being communicated with or when we are wishing we had someone around. Those of us who post something on social media in the name of "keeping people update," but are hoping for those likes or even a comment.

We all want to be wanted (yes, even the extreme introverts). I think a lot of us get so stuck on the idea of wanting to be wanted (even subconsciously) that we resort to waiting for people to recognize our worth. But that's not where it's supposed to come from. Even if that's sometimes where we get our reminders. So here's this, my reminder to you, once again. YOU are wanted. YOU are seen. YOU are valued. Not because you have people to spend time with. Not because you got a certain number of likes. You are valued because the ONE who made you said so. You are chosen because you the One who gave you your worth called you chosen. So I challenge you- let this be on your mind and your heart as you move forward this week. Remember you are valued. Remember the people around you are also valued. Treat them as such. Listen to them as if you can learn something from them (because you probably can). Remind them with your actions that they are loved. Remind them with your listening that they are wanted. Maybe by translating the love we have been given from Him, we just may revolutionize our worlds- which can in turn revolutionize THE world.

God bless and love from me,
Erin

A Note to the Parents,

Hey there,

Welcome to parenthood. Or maybe you're the one welcoming someone else. Can I even welcome you to something I haven't experienced? If not, just substitute congratulations. Congratulations on your parenthood!

This is a weird thing for me to talk to you about, isn't it? The closest I've come to parenthood is how much I love my cat. Which I'm sure is so different from loving a child. One day I may be where you are now. But maybe not. I certainly can't tell the future!

I wanted to take this chance to say I see you. Again, having not been there myself, there is no way to really empathize. But I can and I will sympathize. You are doing a lot. Waking your kids up in the morning. Making sure they have food. Cleaning up after them. Catching them when they fall. Helping to heal places where they fell anyway. You are doing so so much and I see you.

And so does He.

The One whose Fatherhood was established before your parenthood was. The One who has seen his children hurt. The one who has provided through miracles and comforted in the darkest places. The One who woke you up in the morning and provides you food. The One who sees you in your cleaning and catches you when you fall. The One who is healing the places where wounds happened even though He had a perfect plan. He sees you.

You may have been a parent for a long time. Maybe your child was born yesterday. Maybe your child was lost before you got to swaddle their tiny body. Maybe you buried your adult child even though nobody should ever have to go through that. You are seen.

Not just the you of parenthood. Not just the mom who is running kids around. Not just the dad who is taking out the trash.

The you from before your life became focused on little humans is seen. The you who used to sing in the school choir or paint in your free time. The you who dominated in football and cheered on your classmates in the bleachers. YOU are seen. YOU are known. YOU are still important.

Just like you want to hold your child, He wants to hold you. Just like you want to help your child realize who they are, He wants you to see who you are beyond the chaos.

This is a note to the parents. A reminder to the moms and a memo to the dads. You are you. You are seen. You have identity beyond the dirty diapers and the dishes. You are known intimately. And you are desired. You are loved with a love deeper than you can express. And through every disappointment and every time you've messed up, you are still loved.

So here is your reminder, in case you missed it: YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE SEEN. YOU ARE YOU. Beyond just the tasks of parenthood, take a minute (wherever you can) and remember whose you are. Remember your forgotten dreams you cherished before you became a chauffeur, chef, teacher, police officer, laundromat attendant, ATM, cuddler, maid, and professional all at once. Find a moment for you because that may be the best thing you can do for them. Reconnect with whose you are, then you can remind them whose they are.

This is a note to the parents, the unsung heroes, the necessary persons. You are seen. You are loved. You are appreciated. Walk in that.

God bless and love from me,
Erin

Faithfulness Through Frustration

Not gonna lie, I as I type this, I am so frustrated. I just finished typing out the whole story of my new car and the numerous ways I saw God's faithfulness through the process (complete with pictures). I clicked publish. It didn't publish and all my words and editing (an hour and a half) were deleted. Seriously?!

So here I am writing different words and realizing there is so much more going on than what I realize. I'm also realizing that just because my words will be different, it doesn't mean God's faithfulness was removed or deleted.

So as not to lose sight of what really matters, I want to summarize this story for you because it is a beautiful testament to God's faithfulness and it was such a whirlwind filled with so much goodness.

About a month and a week ago, I made the decision to be more intentional in my prayer life. Not just with saying "I'm praying for you" but actually doing it, along with giving God glory and praise in the good things, too. In a move of intentionality, I wrote down a prayer list and a praise list. At the top of my prayer list was "Provision and wisdom for a car." My sister was almost done with fall quarter and it had been chaos trying to juggle two people with very full schedules and one car.

Flash forward 24 hours, my mom came into my room saying she may have found me a car. I humored her and looked at the listing, but not thinking much of it. Before I knew it, I was emailing the person who listed the car and realizing that this could very well be my first car.

Jumping forward a week, I was on my way down to Phoenix thanks to a ticket which cost me $10 out of pocket after using a gift card my mom had bought me for my birthday. Flying in, I saw Lake Pleasant which I remembered going to when I was little. I also got to see the University of Phoenix stadium which I remember being built and I got to see the circles of Sun City. I quickly landed, got picked up by my uncle and before I knew it I was at Southwest Indian Ministries Center (SIMC). My grandparents served here for decades and I have many a fond memories running around with my cousins and sisters around the campus. Walking on that campus always feels familiar and comfortable.

Soon after, I was walking out of the office with a car title in my name! 36 hours later, I was back home and ready to face the world (in my own car).

Throughout the process, I saw God show up in so many ways. One of my favorites is that the money I paid for this car gets to go straight back into the ministry my grandparents worked with for so long. They are planning on putting the money into the pool to buy a new van for the ministry in order to continue serving Native Americans in the Southwest.

My lovely Chevy (named Ford) also gets to stay in the family, so to speak. Mrs. Major-Ford has known my dad since he was born and reminded me to say hi to my dad. There was even a comment made, wondering if she would recognize him today, years later. I reminded her that he's a Lund- and you can always seem to tell a Lund.

Those are genuinely only a couple of the many reasons I could share about how much of a God send this car has been. I am so beyond thankful for the ways God has answered prayers and shown His faithfulness.

Please let me know if there is anything I can be praying for you for- or if you have any praises you would like to share! God is at work and in every aspect of your life- down to buying a car!

Thanks for sticking with me, even when I end up writing out of frustration and learn a new lesson in the process.

God bless and love from me,
Erin