Wanted

One night a few weeks ago, I had messaged my friend to see if they wanted to hang out. They didn't. And for some reason, that particular night, that was the last straw. As I drove and almost started crying, I wondered what was wrong with me, why they didn't want to hang out, and wondered who in the world would even want to hang out with me.

Super dramatic, right?!

Thankfully, through the dramatics, I was still in my right mind enough to realize there really was no point in finding myself so broken up about a friend not wanting to hang out one night. I started to question what could be the root behind the emotions I was feeling. Surely there was something deeper to make me so emotional at being turned down even though I'd just gotten off work and I wasn't so sure I even wanted to hang out right then anyway.

As I started to pray, I heard the word "wanted." My mind raced. Obviously if I'm wanted people will want to hang out with me all the time and whenever I ask, they'll be down to do something, right? Okay, not quite. As I pondered this word, "wanted," I realized where it was coming from. I reflected on other interactions I'd had lately where I'd felt separated from people or where I'd felt like I wasn't enough. In that reflection, I realized those times had stuck with me on a deeper level because I hadn't felt wanted.

I started thinking about world problems (because what else do you want to do after you get home after a long night at work?) and I started to realize there are a lot of times where if we actually let people around us know they are wanted, it could revolutionize the world. Like, what if everybody actually realized that when they walk in to a room, or when they get turned down from hanging out one night or when they are broken up with, they are wanted? Or, as an extreme example, what if kids seeking companionship online and finding radical indoctrination already knew they were wanted in the real world?

As I sat there, I found myself being reminded of who I am. I remembered times when I'd gotten hurt because I didn't feel wanted, I started to face moments I never wanted to face. I remembered one of my most painful relationships to date and I realized I had been so hurt partly because I'd felt disregarded when the door of that friendship closed. I realized that through all the times I'd been disappointed when it came to people, deeper down, I'd felt pushed aside and forgotten.

Through that awareness, I heard the words my heart needed, "You are wanted. You're a child of the King. You've let yourself get tied into the idea that your identity depends on what the people around you are doing. But that's a lie. You are wanted on your best and worse days... and so are they."

I realized that through my waiting to be wanted, I'd let myself forget who I am. I'd forgotten that even if I don't feel wanted, I am still chosen. Even when I don't hang out with friends on a free night, it doesn't mean I'm not surrounded by community who loves me and encourages me.

So that night two weeks ago sent me on this trip of not only remembering (even in small rejections) that I am wanted by more than just humans, I am wanted by my Creator. More so, not only am I wanted by my Creator, but so are "they." The people around me. The people who talk more than I wish they would or the people who respond to people even though there wasn't even anything said? They are wanted too. They want to be wanted, too. Isn't that what we're thinking about, on some level, when we're wishing we were being communicated with or when we are wishing we had someone around. Those of us who post something on social media in the name of "keeping people update," but are hoping for those likes or even a comment.

We all want to be wanted (yes, even the extreme introverts). I think a lot of us get so stuck on the idea of wanting to be wanted (even subconsciously) that we resort to waiting for people to recognize our worth. But that's not where it's supposed to come from. Even if that's sometimes where we get our reminders. So here's this, my reminder to you, once again. YOU are wanted. YOU are seen. YOU are valued. Not because you have people to spend time with. Not because you got a certain number of likes. You are valued because the ONE who made you said so. You are chosen because you the One who gave you your worth called you chosen. So I challenge you- let this be on your mind and your heart as you move forward this week. Remember you are valued. Remember the people around you are also valued. Treat them as such. Listen to them as if you can learn something from them (because you probably can). Remind them with your actions that they are loved. Remind them with your listening that they are wanted. Maybe by translating the love we have been given from Him, we just may revolutionize our worlds- which can in turn revolutionize THE world.

God bless and love from me,
Erin

A Note to the Parents,

Hey there,

Welcome to parenthood. Or maybe you're the one welcoming someone else. Can I even welcome you to something I haven't experienced? If not, just substitute congratulations. Congratulations on your parenthood!

This is a weird thing for me to talk to you about, isn't it? The closest I've come to parenthood is how much I love my cat. Which I'm sure is so different from loving a child. One day I may be where you are now. But maybe not. I certainly can't tell the future!

I wanted to take this chance to say I see you. Again, having not been there myself, there is no way to really empathize. But I can and I will sympathize. You are doing a lot. Waking your kids up in the morning. Making sure they have food. Cleaning up after them. Catching them when they fall. Helping to heal places where they fell anyway. You are doing so so much and I see you.

And so does He.

The One whose Fatherhood was established before your parenthood was. The One who has seen his children hurt. The one who has provided through miracles and comforted in the darkest places. The One who woke you up in the morning and provides you food. The One who sees you in your cleaning and catches you when you fall. The One who is healing the places where wounds happened even though He had a perfect plan. He sees you.

You may have been a parent for a long time. Maybe your child was born yesterday. Maybe your child was lost before you got to swaddle their tiny body. Maybe you buried your adult child even though nobody should ever have to go through that. You are seen.

Not just the you of parenthood. Not just the mom who is running kids around. Not just the dad who is taking out the trash.

The you from before your life became focused on little humans is seen. The you who used to sing in the school choir or paint in your free time. The you who dominated in football and cheered on your classmates in the bleachers. YOU are seen. YOU are known. YOU are still important.

Just like you want to hold your child, He wants to hold you. Just like you want to help your child realize who they are, He wants you to see who you are beyond the chaos.

This is a note to the parents. A reminder to the moms and a memo to the dads. You are you. You are seen. You have identity beyond the dirty diapers and the dishes. You are known intimately. And you are desired. You are loved with a love deeper than you can express. And through every disappointment and every time you've messed up, you are still loved.

So here is your reminder, in case you missed it: YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE SEEN. YOU ARE YOU. Beyond just the tasks of parenthood, take a minute (wherever you can) and remember whose you are. Remember your forgotten dreams you cherished before you became a chauffeur, chef, teacher, police officer, laundromat attendant, ATM, cuddler, maid, and professional all at once. Find a moment for you because that may be the best thing you can do for them. Reconnect with whose you are, then you can remind them whose they are.

This is a note to the parents, the unsung heroes, the necessary persons. You are seen. You are loved. You are appreciated. Walk in that.

God bless and love from me,
Erin

Faithfulness Through Frustration

Not gonna lie, I as I type this, I am so frustrated. I just finished typing out the whole story of my new car and the numerous ways I saw God's faithfulness through the process (complete with pictures). I clicked publish. It didn't publish and all my words and editing (an hour and a half) were deleted. Seriously?!

So here I am writing different words and realizing there is so much more going on than what I realize. I'm also realizing that just because my words will be different, it doesn't mean God's faithfulness was removed or deleted.

So as not to lose sight of what really matters, I want to summarize this story for you because it is a beautiful testament to God's faithfulness and it was such a whirlwind filled with so much goodness.

About a month and a week ago, I made the decision to be more intentional in my prayer life. Not just with saying "I'm praying for you" but actually doing it, along with giving God glory and praise in the good things, too. In a move of intentionality, I wrote down a prayer list and a praise list. At the top of my prayer list was "Provision and wisdom for a car." My sister was almost done with fall quarter and it had been chaos trying to juggle two people with very full schedules and one car.

Flash forward 24 hours, my mom came into my room saying she may have found me a car. I humored her and looked at the listing, but not thinking much of it. Before I knew it, I was emailing the person who listed the car and realizing that this could very well be my first car.

Jumping forward a week, I was on my way down to Phoenix thanks to a ticket which cost me $10 out of pocket after using a gift card my mom had bought me for my birthday. Flying in, I saw Lake Pleasant which I remembered going to when I was little. I also got to see the University of Phoenix stadium which I remember being built and I got to see the circles of Sun City. I quickly landed, got picked up by my uncle and before I knew it I was at Southwest Indian Ministries Center (SIMC). My grandparents served here for decades and I have many a fond memories running around with my cousins and sisters around the campus. Walking on that campus always feels familiar and comfortable.

Soon after, I was walking out of the office with a car title in my name! 36 hours later, I was back home and ready to face the world (in my own car).

Throughout the process, I saw God show up in so many ways. One of my favorites is that the money I paid for this car gets to go straight back into the ministry my grandparents worked with for so long. They are planning on putting the money into the pool to buy a new van for the ministry in order to continue serving Native Americans in the Southwest.

My lovely Chevy (named Ford) also gets to stay in the family, so to speak. Mrs. Major-Ford has known my dad since he was born and reminded me to say hi to my dad. There was even a comment made, wondering if she would recognize him today, years later. I reminded her that he's a Lund- and you can always seem to tell a Lund.

Those are genuinely only a couple of the many reasons I could share about how much of a God send this car has been. I am so beyond thankful for the ways God has answered prayers and shown His faithfulness.

Please let me know if there is anything I can be praying for you for- or if you have any praises you would like to share! God is at work and in every aspect of your life- down to buying a car!

Thanks for sticking with me, even when I end up writing out of frustration and learn a new lesson in the process.

God bless and love from me,
Erin

Time Still Marches On

How has it already been over three months since I sat and actually wrote out a blog post- let alone thought about it?

Please excuse the ramblings of a possibly over-caffeinated YouthWorks staff who happens to be bubbling with excitement over being LESS THAN ONE WEEK from being home!

If you want a quick summation of what I've been doing for the last 3 months, read on! If you want a quick summation of what I'll be doing when I get home, feel free to scroll to the bottom. If you don't actually know why you clicked this link... I'm not sure what to tell you?

Hey, thanks for reading this far! Already my time in Detroit is finishing up. In three days, I will be in the air toward Seattle after being away from home since we flew out May 13. Needless to say, doing things basically nonstop for three months makes time fly and in reality, there is no way I could possibly remember everything I have been doing these last months so here is a quick snapshot!

Let's go back to the beginning? My family and I (minus Miss Rebekah and Mr. Brian) spent about a week driving through most of the north eastern United States. We hit 12 new states (well, new for most of us), stayed in a charming brownstone in NYC, viewed some monuments throughout DC, blinked and we were already through Boston, dipped our toes in the Atlantic Ocean and tasted some lobster in Maine, and sat in a car for so many hours. "Whirlwind" barely describes it- memorable, and not long enough could also be used to describe that week.

From that part of the trip, they dropped me off in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania for RAMP training for the job I held this summer. That week of training, we got to know our fellow staff members both from our own site and from other YouthWorks sites around the area. When we finished that week of training, we drove to Detroit for prepping before our students arrived. We cleaned the church we have stayed in, painted posters, met with service partners, cleaned some more, went to meetings, became familiar with the city, ate some gross food, ate some good food, attended church and worked almost constantly from 10 AM until around 10 PM.

After two weeks in Detroit, we drove over to Chicago where we had "Early Bird" training. Essentially, we were shadowing a site which had their first group of students and we had the opportunity to see our position in action, with closer supervision from our supervisors so we could ask questions and have any wrinkles ironed out before we started the following Sunday with our first group of students.

For the most part, the past 8 weeks have been filled with students, parents, adult leaders, service partners, and community members. We have had over 200 high school students and adult leaders come through our doors and we have been blessed by each and every one of them in so many different ways. Our average day consists of being up and ready downstairs by 7 AM, feeding the students and directing them in the kitchen, visiting service sites and partnering alongside the students, facilitating showers (sometimes like herding cats, really), facilitating an evening activity in the community, leading Large Group Gathering (worship, praise reports, sharing staff stories, and having some discussion questions), then getting the kids to bed (or at least the lights out) by 11 PM.

Long days, I can assure you. I think I've never been so thankful for sleep as I have been these last few weekends! The vision and dreams these students hold? SO. COOL. We have met some of the sweetest students and we have seen perspectives being changed each week.

Really, we have learned how Detroit is so much more than what they tell you on the news. I'm not saying there isn't bad- Detroit is a city. That's a fact. There are bad things everywhere. BUT Detroit is so so so much more. When we walked downtown our first time, we were all astonished at the architectural beauty. We were surprised by how sociable people were. We loved getting to explore this city. When we walked through the neighborhood where we have lived for the last few months, time and time again I was stunned by the beauty of the nighborhood and I sounded like a broken record saying I would not be objected to moving here.

Basically, if you have the opportunity to ever do any travel to see Detroit or serve here, please please please take the chance. While we have been here, we never had to take a student to the hospital, only once or twice did I feel like I should get inside quickly  (because we were walking around in the dark in areas we didn't know very well). Also, please be weary of things you hear in the news. Don't take everything at face value. "Don't judge a book by its cover." And I would like to add, "Don't judge a place by it's news reports." I can assure you once you start to hear someone's story, and actually listen, there is no way you won't find at least some compassion bubbling up inside you.
*steps off soap box*

--> If you are nosy and just want to know what happens next, start here <--

Moving forward, today we drive to Steubenville, Ohio to put away some storage. Then tomorrow we will arrive back in Pittsburgh for some closing things before flying home on Wednesday morning.

When I get home, I am not completely sure what I will be doing. I'll probably be buying a car. I'll definitely be getting a job (where is TBD) and I will be continuing to seek new perspectives.

As usual, if you would like to grab coffee  (I'm ready to grab my Fiddler's!) and chat, I would love that! Just shoot me a text and let me know!

Thank you for reading any little sliver of this! Looking forward to catching up with you.

God bless and love from me,
Erin

Let Us See His Kingdom Come

One week from right now, I will be in Washington DC with my parents and two of my sisters! When I found out my training for this summer is in Pittsburgh, the planning commenced. My mom grew up in upstate New York so since I would be so close, it just seemed like a given to see where she grew up (a wish my parents have had for a long time). With going to New York State, there was also the hope of visiting the city because that has also been a dream for a long time.

A little later, my dad joined in the planning and we figured he would join us. Then came Jennifer, then Annie coming along. We also added some places to see. Naiagra Falls? Washington DC? Why not drive up to Maine, since we'll be over there? Well, now we have those added in and in 3 weeks, I will have basically doubled the number of states I've been to!

Yet even with all the planning going into a trip including driving through 8 or more states, I still only knew where my training for the summer was. I had not been told where I would be spending my summer working. That is until yesterday when I found out I get to spend my summer working in Detroit, Michigan!

To be completely honest, I was not as excited at first as I though I would be. I had built up a huge hope in my mind to be somewhere closer to the ocean, in a different kind of city, and I really hoped I would be in New York City. As I thought about Detroit, though, and read through some of the information YouthWorks provided and googled more about the city, I found a huge excitement swelling in me.

In 3 weeks, I get to spend two months working in a city which is constantly covered in negative press. I get to spend two months in a city (in my own country) in which I am a minority. I get to spend two months outside of my element getting to hear stories which haven't been heard. I get to spend two months learning about people I would normally not encounter.

I am so so beyond excited! It is going to be a challenging, beautiful, growing experience and I am already so greatful that, once again, my God has plans outside what I expect and I am looking forward to what He wants to do in and through my team and I this summer!

If you would be praying for my team and I as we are preparing to both meet each other and prayers for the students as all of us get ready to learn and grow together. Please pray for the city of Detroit; that they would be ready to see the Lord move and that peace would cover the city, let them be covered in an anticipation to have their lives turned inside out by their Creator who loves them deeply. Pray that we would see the Kingdom break through as we go forth, partnering with what He is already doing in the city of Detroit!

Thank you all!
Love,
Erin

Another Summer Adventure

Almost four years ago (June, 2013), I went on a missions trip to San Francisco. We spent a day and a half road tripping from Centralia to San Fran with many seat rotations and the inevitable staying on a church floor. When we arrived to the church we were staying at, we proceeded checking in for our week. The first thing I wondered about was where the older staff were. There were surely adult-adults around and our week wasn't going to be directed by these barely adult college students?

Well, those "barely adult college students" were indeed facilitating our week. They were the ones leading worship. They were coordinating meals for 3+ varying youth groups each week. They were speaking with the ministries we spent our week volunteering with. They dealt with budgets and they had put countless hours into preparing for the week we were going to talk about for a long time after.

Those four college students had chosen to spend their summer away from a typical summer job at home. They instead chose to spend their summer working with youth groups and helping to make a change in a community they weren't familiar with.

I am so so excited to let y'all know that this summer, I get to be one of those staff members! I have been hired as a Community Service Coordinator with YouthWorks. All I know about where I will be this summer is my training location (Pittsburgh, PA) for the first and last weeks. I will spend the summer leading ministry with my team, getting to know the various needs of my community and then working with various organizations to discover how these youth group volunteers can help them further their ministry.

I also get to put into action some of the things I have learned through DTS and SOW in this position as well as another part of my summer, being the Worship Leader for our team!

I am seriously anticipating this summer and all it will hold as my team and I move forward! It is a little bit intimidating. I look at the summer as one eleven week chunk and the two things I know as of now are I will be lacking sleep all summer and I get to go to Pennsylvania for the first time. I am sure even through too little sleep and messing up a few times in what I'm doing, big things are going to happen.

As always, prayers are greatly appreciated. With so many unknowns at this point, I have a lot of general prayer points, yet as we get closer to go time, I hope to update you with more specific prayers.

• Please pray for:
• YouthWorks recruitment team: they continue to fill empty positions throughout their various locations for the summer
• Pray for discernment as teams are pieced together and people are hired for this summer.
• My team and I: At this point, I have no idea who I get to work with this summer (but my extroverted self is pretty excited!). There is a lot of prep going into this summer between practicing worship songs, preparing our hearts to lead countless students this summer, and getting ready for a full summer with a rigorous schedule.
• Pray as we book travel, complete paperwork, and prep for what this summer holds!
• Students: Each week, approximately 60-80 students will arrive at each YouthWorks location around the US. They could be arriving for their first missions trip. They could be away from home for the first time. They will come from a variety of backgrounds.
• Pray for their hearts as they get ready, provision for finances, and peace of mind for their families.

Thank you so much for your support and prayer! If you would like more information about YouthWorks, here is their website where you can find FAQs and probably any questions you have may be answered. If you have any questions or prayer requests, let me know! Shoot me a message or comment or text or whatever!

Thank you all!

God bless and love from me,

Erin

Book Therapy?

Over the last few months since I got home from School of Worship, I have been a part of a group at church called FORM. "What is FORM?" Well, I am not sure of the best way to explain it. Basically, we meet on Thursday mornings and it is a practical look at and example of discipleship. We talk about a broad range of topics having to do with life. But we also go deeper than just talking about things. We have accountability to actually work toward changes. Having a mixed group of people to look at practical options is a unique opportunity for people my age. I am glad to be able to take advantage of it.

One of the recent assignments we had involved reading a book and writing a reflection. An easy enough thing to complete- until you start reading the book and it is one of the most challenging things you have read as a young adult. The assigned book, The Defining Decade, was written by Dr. Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist who seems passionate about helping twenty-somethings achieve their full potential before they turn around in their thirties and forties feeling as though they have wasted their lives. If you ask almost anyone I have come in contact with over the course of reading the book, I have probably recommended they read it (and I recommend you do, too!). Although Dr. Jay says clearly in the preface that she is writing for twenty-somethings, there are so many clues into the mind of that frustrating young adult you have to interact with.

As a twenty-something, this book felt like a taste of a therapy session. Dr. Jay's anecdotes weren't about me, but they hit home on a few occasions. From worrying I am never going to get out from where I am now and having no clear goal for where I want to make it one day to relationship "issues" and even fertility statistics and realistically how long you can wait to have kids.

Basically, this has turned into a book review- but I really would suggest everyone read this book. It encourages a -very needed- personal evaluation. Taking time to think about where you are, where you want to be, and realistically, how can you get there?

Through reading this book (as well as a lot of other factors), I have been challenged to think more about my life and give more thought to who I want to be- not just what I want to do in the near future. Thinking more futuristically gives more opportunity to actually make those dreams come true.

Since I know a lot of people won't go out and read this book, here is a link to Dr. Jay's TED Talk, which touches on many of the topics from the book. Seriously, take a few minutes and watch it!

As always, thank you for reading! :) Also, I have some super exciting things to tell y'all about so I will get those words entered into my computer and they will reach you!

If you have any prayer requests, let me know how I can be praying for you.

God bless and love from me,

Erin