Erin at Home

Every day, I'm learning a little bit more about growing up. One of my biggest lessons as of late? Just because there is disappointment does not mean there is not peace about it- and that is okay.

I was supposed to leave yesterday to head back to Denver. Well, to see as I'm sitting in Fiddler's (in Centralia), that didn't happen. Last week as I was talking to who would have been one of my school's directors, the question arose of if I would be able to get the money to leave on Monday. When I got off the phone, God asked me a question which rang loud and clear, "If your plans fall apart, will you still trust me?"

Immediate response: "Of course!"

More thought: "I think so..."

Still more thought: "Yes. If it all falls apart, I will still trust You."

I continued wrestling with that through the week. I had been given a Friday deadline to come up with a certain amount of money and I honestly had no idea if I would be able to get it. I prayed. I called a few people. I prayed more. I went to coffee with people and talked with them, and the week wore on.

Long story short, I was given the choice of if I thought I should attend this school, and I said no. So I'm not in Denver today. My plans fell apart and I'm disappointed. I've cried. I've avoided talking to people (I'm sorry!). And I spent yesterday filling out job applications and watching too much Netflix instead of moving into my new room and reuniting with friends.

I'm an over-thinker and if I feel like I miss an opportunity, I will question over and over in my mind what I could have done differently or if I made the right decision.  Yet as I'm sitting here, disappointed that I'm not back in Denver on a new adventure; bummed out that I don't get to see a lot of people I was looking forward to seeing; sitting here, 1,324 miles (thank you, Google Maps) away from where I thought I'd be, I have an undeniable peace. My mind isn't racing, wondering if I made the right decision. For me, that is a big deal. My mind is resting from questioning if I was supposed to be in Denver and my God, through that uncharacteristic peace, has shown me that for now, I am right where I am supposed to be.

So what am I going to do now? Honestly, I'm not sure. My goal for today is to finish Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (the book), make something delicious for lunch and/or dinner later, and rest in the fact that my God is higher. My God holds my future, and I have said I will trust Him, which means through the ups and downs, highs and lows, triumphs, and disappointments.